Top Gear star Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff has said he was "struggling with my anxiety" and having "nightmares and flashbacks" after a serious crash while filming the show.
Speaking about the incident for the first time, the 46-year-old revealed he was "crying every two minutes", and only left his home for medical appointments in the seven months following the crash.
His comments came in a new BBC documentary, called Freddie Flintoff's Field Of Dreams On Tour, which sees the star take a group of young people from his home town of Preston on a cricketing tour of India.
Speaking in the documentary shortly after his crash, Flintoff said: "I don’t want to sit and feel sorry for myself, I don’t want sympathy, but it’s going from being here for seven months, to going to India.
"I’m struggling with my anxiety, I have nightmares, I have flashbacks, it’s been so hard to cope.
"But I’m thinking if I don’t do something, I’ll never go. I’ve got to get on with it."
The crash, which left the former England cricketer with facial and rib injuries, happened at the motoring show’s test track at Dunsfold Aerodrome in Surrey, in December 2022.
Following the incident, the BBC announced it had "rested" Top Gear for the foreseeable future.
Flintoff has made a steady return to the public eye since, rejoining England’s backroom staff for their T20 series against the West Indies earlier this year, and as head coach of the Northern Superchargers in The Hundred.
The documentary shows the former Lancashire all-rounder in hospital shortly after the crash, where he says it will be "a long road back", but adds he is looking forward to seeing his young cricket team again.
He said: "I genuinely should not be here after what happened.
"This will be a long road back and I’ve only just started, I’m stuck already.
"I need help, and I realise I’m not the best at asking for it. I need to stop crying every two minutes.
"I’ve got to look at the positives, haven’t I?
"I’m still here, I’ve got another chance, I’ve got to go at it. I’m seeing that as how it is, a second go.
"I’m really looking forward to seeing the lads again and being around them, I really am."
Flintoff goes on to explain that he thought he could "just shake it off" after the crash, but admitted things had been "a lot harder than I thought".
He added: "As much as I want to go out and do things, and I’ve just not been able to."
The star goes on to say that he believes the crash has changed him forever.
When asked if he is feeling better, he replies: "Not really, I’m not sure I ever will again to be honest. I’m better than I was.
"I don’t know what completely better is. I am what I am now, I’m different to what I was, that’s something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life.
"Better, no, different."
In the episode, Flintoff’s former Lancashire team mate Kyle Hogg, who helps to coach the team, can be seen telling the players about his crash, and that their trip to India will be postponed.
Hogg says: "He (Flintoff) just needs a bit of space at the moment.
"When they started, Fred was there for everyone in the room, this is genuinely the time that you lads are there for him."
In a piece to camera, he adds: "Fred’s accident is really bad, he’s going to need a lot of recovery time, he’s pretty lucky that he’s managed to get through it alive."
Hogg and Flintoff are then seen replanning the India tour, and Hogg tells Flintoff: "The lads might help you out."
Flintoff replies: "I’m a bit nervous about that as well, seeing them for the first time since my accident.
"It’s going to be strange because I haven’t seen them for so long, but I think I’m like that with everyone these days, there’s always a bit of apprehension, a bit of nerves.
"And what’s happened in that year I’ve not seen them."
Flintoff is then seen reuniting with the team, some of whom have turned 20, and asking them if they still want to go to India.
He hugs them and tells them "I’ve missed you", before asking: "Have you been behaving?"
Once the team is in India, Flintoff explains that he feels "like a father to the lads", and that cricket was helping him to recover from his crash.
He said: "When I’m around cricket, I seem to forget everything, I lose myself in the game.
"I feel like I’ve been more vulnerable than I ever have in my life in the past 12 months, so I’m reaching out to cricket I suppose again, to help me."
Freddie Flintoff’s Field Of Dreams On Tour will air on BBC One at 9pm on 13 August.
Source: Press Association
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