If you’re the parent of a child that didn’t get the exam results they wanted this summer, it can be difficult to know what to say.
We asked Dr. Kathy Weston, leading parental engagement expert and founder of Tooled Up Education to share her advice…
1. Gentle expectation setting
"Ahead of getting the results, parents might want to think about preparing a ‘Plan A and ‘Plan B’ envelope. The first will be the one your child will open if they get the results they wanted, and the second will be your back-up strategy.
"The Plan B envelope can list some proactive steps that children can take, such as calling a careers advisor for advice, or they might speak to mum and dad about the process of resitting exams. Perhaps it could have some positive mantras to help them to focus on next year’s exams instead.
"Having a plan of action mapped out means you’ve helped anticipate how your child might feel in either scenario. It’s a good way to teach children to focus on things they can control and let go of the things they can’t. Plus, it means you won’t get to results day and have everyone in floods of tears not knowing what to do."
2. Don’t show your own disappointment
"A very big tip for parents is to keep a lid on your own anxiety. It’s easy to be anxious about your child’s future, but it’s unhelpful at this point for your teenager to overhear you on the phone to your friends panicking about their results.
"Parental anxiety is highly correlated with children’s anxiety, so we need to be careful about the language we use around kids when they’re already feeling nervous. Having Plan A and Plan B prepared, as mentioned, can help parents to relax on results day, as well as children."
3. Build up their confidence
"Parents can help to build up a child’s self-esteem ahead of results day by giving them other opportunities to feel confident and competent – whether that’s praising them for the progress they’ve made in an extra-curricular hobby, or speaking to them about how well they’ve coped during the pandemic.
"No matter what the results are, exam results day can be seen as an opportunity to accept setbacks and develop greater resilience for the future."
4. Set goals
"If the results aren’t what your child wanted, reassure them that you love them unconditionally and value them for who they are. Once the dust has settled, you can then help them focus on next year by setting achievable goals.
"We know that teenagers can struggle with issues like depression and anxiety, and goal setting can be a great way to keep their mindset positive. Stay aspirational with a new strategy."
5. Relate to their feelings
"Most of us have had an experience with disappointing exam results and have managed to bounce back, so it’s important that parents speak to children about their own experiences and reassure them that one bad mark isn’t the end of the world.
"Children need to feel like they live in a supportive environment where it’s OK to fail – particularly as this year has been so disruptive. Help them to think about what they can learn from the experience – whether positive or negative – and encourage them to stay positive, rather than dwelling on the disappointment."
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